||[Dec. 12th, 2009|12:01 am]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites
|||||The Ghost of You ~ My Chemical Romance||]|
I'm 23, a closet bisexual, and I have self-diagnosed AS/PDD-NOS. I've never been very good at socialising or making friends - meeting new people is difficult for me, I don't even know where to start making 'small talk', and I get uncomfortable in crowded places sometimes.
Looking back, I've been like this my whole life - though it wasn't picked up on, as I was homeschooled until I was eleven, and when I did go to school, I became the quiet clever one in the corner who was always reading, and no-one paid that much attention to me. That stuck with me all through high school and university, and now into my working life.
Over the last few months, I've been reading a lot about the autistic spectrum, and doing a lot of research online. I've also taken the online Autistic Spectrum Questionnaire (a few times), and have consistently scored in Asperger's/PDD-NOS region of the spectrum. Most of my issues are social and relate to communication, and specifically spoken communication. My research has given me a greater sense of self-understanding, as I have started to realise why I always seemed to see things differently when I was growing up.
I have never really had a proper relationship - a few crushes, and a couple of non-starters while I was at university - and I believe that this is because of my AS, as I find it very difficult to open up, even to people I know well. Most of my crushes have been on males, both guys I know/have known and actors/musicians that I like, though over the last few years I have found myself becoming attracted to women as well, and now I self-identify as bisexual (though I have not told anyone this).
Sorry if this seems a little rambly. I guess I needed to vent.
(I'm also reasonably active in a few TV show fandoms. I write fanfiction for a number of shows. Check my journal if you are interested.)