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GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites

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(no subject) [Dec. 12th, 2009|12:01 am]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites

[music |The Ghost of You ~ My Chemical Romance]

I'm 23, a closet bisexual, and I have self-diagnosed AS/PDD-NOS. I've never been very good at socialising or making friends - meeting new people is difficult for me, I don't even know where to start making 'small talk', and I get uncomfortable in crowded places sometimes.

Looking back, I've been like this my whole life - though it wasn't picked up on, as I was homeschooled until I was eleven, and when I did go to school, I became the quiet clever one in the corner who was always reading, and no-one paid that much attention to me. That stuck with me all through high school and university, and now into my working life.

Over the last few months, I've been reading a lot about the autistic spectrum, and doing a lot of research online. I've also taken the online Autistic Spectrum Questionnaire (a few times), and have consistently scored in Asperger's/PDD-NOS region of the spectrum. Most of my issues are social and relate to communication, and specifically spoken communication. My research has given me a greater sense of self-understanding, as I have started to realise why I always seemed to see things differently when I was growing up.

I have never really had a proper relationship - a few crushes, and a couple of non-starters while I was at university - and I believe that this is because of my AS, as I find it very difficult to open up, even to people I know well. Most of my crushes have been on males, both guys I know/have known and actors/musicians that I like, though over the last few years I have found myself becoming attracted to women as well, and now I self-identify as bisexual (though I have not told anyone this).

Sorry if this seems a little rambly. I guess I needed to vent.

(I'm also reasonably active in a few TV show fandoms. I write fanfiction for a number of shows. Check my journal if you are interested.)
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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2009|05:29 pm]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites

I just joined this community. Like most of us, I have a lot of problems meeting and connecting with people, and it's even harder for me if it's someone I'm attracted to. I always assume that if I am interested in someone, that automatically means she is not interested in me, unless she explicitly tells me otherwise. I assume women I am attracted to are too cool, or too together, or too normal, or too something, to notice or care about me.

I have done a lot of growing in recent years, and although it might be hard to believe from the above paragraph, I like and accept myself a lot more now than I ever did before and I'm more confident than I've ever been.

I like my own company, and I wouldn't say I'm lonely or desperate to find a girlfriend, but it would sure be nice. I have actually managed to work up the nerve to ask a couple women out in the past couple months, and I've had a few dates. They all went okay, but the only person I felt a connection with isn't available. She said she thinks I'm "wonderful" but she just doesn't have the time.

It's nice to meet all of you!
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Hello! ^_^ [Sep. 2nd, 2009|10:32 am]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites
[Current Location |@home]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |"If It Kills Me" Jason Mraz]


My name is Josh and I am a twenty-five year old gay male. I recently started a livejournal account again so that I could track my attempt at over coming and getting help with my "Social Anxiety Disorder". It is something I've had trouble with all my life and I'm not sure what it will take to help me at least manage it in a way that allows me to function in society but here goes to trying!

All my life I've had trouble with feeling 'normal' even now with jobs (which I can't seem to hold down) I find myself sick to my tummy hours before it is even time for me to go in. Most of these jobs have all been where I directly have to deal with people. Retail and or Security being the major ones. I have a hard time being social or voicing my thoughts in a way where I feel it actually gets respected. A good example is recently with a job I had I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone out of fear that I wouldn't know what to say or how to assist the person calling.

As side notes I have a horrible time with feeling like I have to insure other people are happy. If there is even the slightest chance that I might upset someone or I know I have to be around someone that is upset it instantly throws me off and into a panic.

I love things about science and nature, especially Physics and Biology. I joined this community because like many of you I have so few friends and when you are so introverted by nature, it is hard to find them. If anyone would like to talk sometime I'd be more than happy to casually chat. Who knows maybe we can help each other.

Well that is about it!

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anyone in the san francisco bay area? [Jun. 20th, 2008|07:08 am]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites

Hi there. Was wondering if anyone else is in the San Francisco Bay Area...

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For young gay men with Asperger's syndrome [Mar. 18th, 2008|05:54 pm]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites
[Current Location |home]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Bob Dylan- Blonde on Blonde]

Hi, I'm interested in starting some sort of resource guide for other young gay men (or simply young people who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning, etc.) with Asperger's syndrome. Any ideas of what form this should take? A new LiveJournal community? A collection of pieces written by young GLBTQ Aspies to publish somewhere? And if you would like to participate, are there specific topics you'd like to discuss?
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Introduction [Mar. 6th, 2008|05:04 pm]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites

[mood |boredbored]

My name is Jack and I'm a 23 year old queer FTM living in the UK.  I am a foundation science student at UWE Bristol and will be going on to a degree in psychology with the aim to becoming an educational psychologist.  I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia September 07, but I'm thinking that the dyslexia part may be incorrect or at least on the very mild side anyway.  I recently saw someone from the community mental health team who gave me a provisional diagnosis of dyspraxia, AS and SID, and they have now referred me on to the Learning Disability centre for a more thorough assessment.  That's enough about me for now though, if you would like to know more about me just take a look at my journal or look at my interests on my profile.  
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hi, there [Nov. 12th, 2007|12:29 am]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites

[Current Location |home]
[music |Enrique Iglesias- Tired Of Being Sorry]


I'm a newbie and thought I should introduce myself (the polite thing to do, after all. Knowing the rules of manners makes these things so much easier!). I'm a 29 year old partnered male in Portland, Oregon, that only discovered what Asperger's is a while ago. I haven't yet had the courage to involve actual professionals (I hate going to any sort of doctor; my experiences with shrinks have not been great), but am quite certain after doing an obscene amount of research, and reflecting upon my personal history, that I belong here. Anyway, needless to say, I'm not really that social in person. My husband is all the homo sapien I really need in my life (and he has issues of his own, general anxiety disorder stemming from PTSD). I really much prefer my large menagerie of animals to most people. But after having the blinding flash of understanding when I learned about aspies, I felt a need to reach out to a community that might understand. So here I am.

My profile list my "special interests" and/or obsessions pretty well, so say hi if you like. :)
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REALLY WIERD NEWBIE [Nov. 11th, 2007|11:36 pm]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites
HI Everyone .

I am trying to make new online friends who have some perception of Autistic glitches and being a girl '' child '' , 6 going on 60 , but supposedly an XY ''man ''.

The child thing is real to me - like '' i '' am too high / wide / heavy / stretchy out , and my old teddy looks right , but cuddles too small ... i also seem stuck in the 50s - like the file is full and I can't delete and add new '' more appropriate '' I watch big girls growing up , or grown up - waiting for my turn , as you can imagine , puberty at a boys only school was an unrelenting nightmare which I could not wake up from ... but that nightmare continues ...

I don't really have any sense of '' me '' - I watch '' my hand '' with dee'tachment , like I am never connected , participating .

I '' appear '' to function Ok , and , until recently , I thought that everyone was as lost as me , but managed better !

It's all automatic stuff though , like tutored / tortured into me , 'till it becomes a habit to copy '' normal

As a kid , 'till 10 [ 1957 ] , all I knew was '' my kind of people / like me '' later , I learned this to be '' female '' , but I kinda lokked for other girls being boys [ seemed logical , as I was designated '' boy '' ] so my mentors and playmates were tomboys / butches and would - be - '' guys ''

I can sense HER '' Frequency '' - so I can predict safe or not , but anything '' not her '' is noise / chaos / scary - from inside and amplified by - all '' men '' from outside . It's like men assume that or expect me to have an experience like them , when , all I sense from inside is '' me missing '' ... either '' I '' am seriously crazzeee , or my head is really programmed for '' female ''. THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA IF YOU ARE PHYSICALLY MALE !!!
I am terrified of men - the concerned guys try to draw me into his world / experience and "" I '' become more and more invisible , lees and less '' me '' OK , it's all in my head , but what else is real ?

My ASdee logic insists that this makes sense , in that if '' i '' am tuned to HER , then I would not know what '' NOT HER '' would be . Like , '' Bus '' is red school bus , so green bus can't be '' bus '' OOPS !!! This brutal '' is / isn't '' is for everything , so why not for HER ?

It's ever dreamstate / out of phase - all my life , I have tried desperately to focus , make it all real , as I see real people do , but only now do i realise that it's not going to work , ever ...

10 years ago , I had a breakdown and all of this kinda broke through - i guess the pressure of pretending got too much - but now I am aware of it , it's got less and less bearable ...

I hope that this isn't too much

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Newbie [Oct. 17th, 2007|07:39 am]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites
Hello everyone,

I used to have a livejournal but deleted it due to the 6 apart stuff but started one here specifically dealing with my unusual relationship dynamic.  It was the only place that had a community supporting friends and family of a transgendered person.

A little over a month ago, some changes that had been taking place over the course of years were suddenly thrust into overdrive and now I find myself in a relationship that no longer fits any standard mold.

Over the last... oh 15 years or so, I have been dating men but way more attracted to women.  For reasons I don't feel I need to go into, I was terrified of this part of myself and compromised who I was in order to blend in... the path of least resistance I suppose.  In the meantime, I was dating a man who also knew that he was the last man I'd ever date.  I even started ID'ing as gay even though he and I were together.  Some people have been open-minded about it and others not so much.

He began exhibiting behavior that had me scared that he was really gay but denying it.  It was almost like he was living a secret life outside of our relationship but one that was all online.  I finally confronted him and he admitted that he felt he was transgendered and was considering transitioning.  While I was shocked, I wasn't, if that makes any sense.  The parts of him I was attracted to were his typically female traits.  It was actually kind of validating for me in my own orientation.

Then I went to an all women's retreat.  I picked up an online friend from the airport, whom I had known maybe a year and a half.  She is gay and I knew that from the first time we met.  She wanted to go somewhere and when her original travel plans fell through she asked if she could come see me.  I didn't think much of it but over that weekend... wow.

Pandora's box was opened and there was no going back.  She and I instantly bonded and we hated being torn apart when it was time for her to go back home.  She cried the whole way home.  I was sullen and withdrawn when I went back home.  I loved my time with her.  It felt right and comfortable.  I talked to my bf about it and told him what happened.  I told him it made me wish I was poly because even though he's a man, I'm in love with his soul.  He agreed to a poly relationship and so did she, even though she'd never done it before.  Also they were both already friends because he met her through our online game too.

So over the next 3 weeks she and I kept up an exhaustingly intense relationship that was all online, on the phone and through text messages.  It was every moment we were awake that we were communicating.  I flew one way to where she was and we both drove back to my state and she's now living with us.

In that time, I have told my wonderful bf that while I'm in love with his soul, I cannot have sex with him anymore.  It was like something happened to me that weekend and I could no longer make myself.  I was on the edge of it already but that finalized it.  It has been difficult but neither of us want to be apart so we are redefining our relationship.  He can date others now.  We all three want to stay together and so far, for the most part, it has been peaceful and harmonious.  I am soooooo happy to be in this relationship.  It scares me how much I love her.  I can't believe I didn't do this a long time ago, but then I would have only met her had everything played out the way it did, in my life, so I have no regrets.

This journal is only about our relationship.  I'm not going to debate its validity or its worth.  I know there's a snowball's chance in hell that it will work out long term, but the thought of losing either of them feels like one of my limbs would be torn from me.  So if you want to friend me you can.  All my posts will be public, since I am choosing not to post pics or real life names.

Thanks for your time.
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Intro! feel free to skip haha [Oct. 3rd, 2007|01:09 am]
GLBT Aspies and other non-socialites

[music |Blaqk Audio - On A Friday]


I'm Jude, I'm 22 years old, and I'm the female kind of "Jude" not the male kind :-D.

short story: Autism, non/limited sexuality, vegetarian, treatment questionCollapse )

Thanks for all your time!

Jude ( feel free to friend my public journal shovedtoagree as I'm pretty private on this one )
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